Hmm, I live journal. Creating a shrine for ones self. To justify the existance of ones self, a need for the 'free' Western world to do when we no longer live on the praise of overs. A way of proving your intelligence, because there is no reflection...
I haven't been here in a while. Last time I started a blog I used it as an emotional dumping ground. Will I do this again? Will I look back on it and wish it wasn't there? (like last time). Good forbid anyone chooses to read this regularly, I really don't want to know that they do... one of the most childish things I remember myself doing is using something like this to give someone I knew who would read subtle hints and messages. She responded by writing up 3000 words in her own journal on why she hated me. A not so subtle message :(
Crap... people just read that. They didn't need to know that. I'm very bad at this... oh well. Hopefully I'll tire of this and use it as a dumping ground of weird dreams, as I only remember them if I write them up upon waking.
ANYWAY... I signed up for a reason.
*grabs survey... thing
1.FULL name: Brendan Mathew Tonkin (If I'd been born a girl I woulda been named Kirby... I think I got jibbed).
2.nicknames: Umm... Zan is a current one. May previous ones...
3.city and state born in: Cuhuna, Vic
4.state you live in now: Vic
5.birthdate: October 29th, 1983
6.astrological sign: Scorpio
7.school: Latrobe Uni
8.hobbies: Seriously? Ahh... games, and people (the internet is both an addiction and a learning experience on that subject)
9.sports that you play/enjoy: Water skiing, when I get the chance... which is not often anymore.
10.height: 185cm (Measure in feet? Get with the times man)
11.weight: 65kg
12.shoe size: Shrug, they aint that big.
13.right or lefty: I've never studied it close enough to make an educated opinion.
*What....*
1. What do you think of the way you look?: I look positively doppy. Sometimes I like it sometimes I don't. For every photo of me that I like there are 30+ others out there where I don't.
2. What do you think about your attitude?: Forever changing... my attitude towards life falls upsidedown and all around every once in a while. My attitude towards people... communication is the key, although I'm bad at it.
3. What do you think about karma?: It's umm... convenient.
4. What do you think about love?: It adds an extra dimension to yourself.
5. What do you think about fate?: It's also convenient...
6. What do you think about your self?: I'm kinda lost. I don't think I have a very clear self image, and I don't really understand my how I should improve on myself...
7. What do you tell yourself if times get hard?: "Whatever stupidity got you here, you will learn from it, and it will be for the better"
8. What would you give your life for?: Whatever can override the most basic instinct that gives me the will to live.
9. What do you think about your first love?: Typical unrequited teenage love.
10. What do you think about the first person that loved you?: I love her back :)
11. What are you scared of?: Isolation, being left out.
12. What was the saddest moment of your life so far?: I think in realising that I may be responsible for damaging someones psychi, simply out of trying to do the exact opposite. The sad part is the realisation that it all came out of arrogance, not kindness.
13. What would life be without friends?: I've been there... its was kinda empty, I don't know whether I could go back.
14. Without family?: Current situation things wouldn't change much, but I know I would miss them eventually. They mean well.
*The Dream Side of You*
1.Do you dream a lot at night?: I constantly day dream... my daydream is like a never ending conversation between two people. If I do dream a lot, I'm rarely aware of it.
2.Do you dream in black and white, or color?: Mostly black and white, still images.
3.Do you remember any of your dreams?: Not very often.
4.Where is your dream make out spot?: As in just kissing? I don't know, somewhere at night... one of the worlds wonders.
5.What is your dream kiss like?: tender and hungry at the same time
6.What is your dream job?: Heh, this changes once a year. Mine would be to run some sort of restaurant club thing which hosted competitive gaming events. Not quite a LAN cafe... but eh, I'm sure if you're reading this and know me somewhat you may be able to concoct it in your head.
7.Where is your dream house?: One that changes magically depending on visitors.
8.Where is your dream vacation?: Exploring the world is not really a vacation. To be honest I sometimes fantasize about taking my gf and friends water skiing...
9.Do you believe that your dreams are a gateway to your soul?: Long answer: define soul, short answer: yes.
*Family*
1.Parents names: Judith Louise and Gary (fail to remember middle name).
2.Do you live with both of them?: No
3.Any siblings? If so, names and ages: Aaron Gary (19 years old), Brittany Alexandra (14 years old), Corey William (11 years old)
4.Do you get along with your siblings?: Aaron: Distanced, Brittany: Yes, Corey: Hah, he's like a little version of me
5.Do you get along with your parents?: Not particularly. I've matured a lot more which helps, however I'm not particularly fond of my parents as people sometimes, because it reflects in my own behaviour. This is the source of my conflict with them.
*Do you...*
1.Do you write in a journal or diary?: ...
2.Do you keep an organizer?: No
3.Do you believe in love at first sight?: Not really
4.Do you believe that every person has one soul mate: No
5.Do you believe in god?: I KNOW there is a higher power, I choose not to believe anything more than that.
6.Do you believe in everyone (even the beyond helpless)?: No... I believe that a society inevitably has to destroy some people to make the system work.
7.Do you believe in having a good education?: I believe that learning is more important than being educated. Unfortunately people who choose to stop recieving formal education early may do so and be disadvantaged by the lack of will to meet more people and do more things to learn from. On the other hand, people who recieve too much formal education can become arrogant, and thus they stop learning believing their philosophy is ultimate. It's a double edged sword.
8.Do you believe in horoscopes?: I believe that reading one can affect the way your day turns out.
9.Do you believe in yourself?: I lack the willpower.
10.Do you shower daily?: Yes
11.Do you like this survey so far?: It's freakin long, and lacks commedy options, but then again, I'm not longer in the mood.
12.Do you like the person that sent you this?: Yes, I do... he frustrates me sometimes which verifies that fact even more.
13.Do you cry easily?: Yes, I'm the type who chokes on words in a song when I'm belting them out.
14.Do you believe in Heaven?: I believe I live in it.
15.Do you believe in hell?: See above
16.Do you believe in reincarnation?: If reincarnation is one of the infinite possibilities, then... yes.
*Favorites*
1.favorite day of the week: If I didn't have to work it would be Friday
2.favorite ice-cream: Spearmint choc-chip (can't go past it)
3.favorite movies: I don't have a favourite. What most affected me after watching it was Neon Genesis though. Most entertaining movie ever was the midnight opening screening of Starwars Episode 2. At the time I was depressed and stressed, and it brought back something nice from childhood.
4.favorite actors: Harrison Ford... umm, not really specific
5.favorite actresses: The chick from Lost in Translation. Funnily enough it was actually her small part in Ghost World which I related to and was really attracted to.
6.favorite quote: Do unto others what has been done to you...
8.favorite music groups: Tool/Perfect Circle, The Whitlams, Foo Fighters, Live
9.favorite music singers: The dude from Tool, my friend Rob.
10.favorite holiday: I'm a uni student, so the Summer one I guess XD
11.favorite season: Summer (if skiing is involved), Winter otherwise.
12.favorite colors: Purple, dark green... the extremes white and black.
13.favorite flowers: Rose I guess... they carry the most symbollism. I also think it was cool that it originated from knights in medievil times who gave them to dames they like, who upon recieving would eat them.
14.favorite book: I, Jedi
15.favorite school subject: High School: Multimedia... Uni: Japanese
*When you hear ___ you think of..*
1.Baseball: bat
2.Jeff: Acidburn (nick of a dude in college named Jeff)
3.Dog: Coss
4.Warm apple pie: That dude from American Pie
5.Socks: washing
6.Fish: yum
7.Nail: wood
8.Amanda: who?
9.Swimming: skiing!
10.Bologna: Pizza
11.Giant Eagle: the US
12.A nun: obedience
13.The # 69: vagina
14.School: St Josephs (My primary school)
*Relationships*
1.boyfriend/girlfriend's name: Jessi
2.crush: ^_^
3.where does that special someone live?: Tomotown.
4.things you like in the opposite sex: Eyes, hair, constant contradictions, uniqueness, the ability to lift the air in a room
5.when was your first kiss: First year of Uni
6.are you a virgin: Yes
7.the most romantic thing anyone has done for you was: Engraved their name, and mine on their Valintines gift, then afterwards told me their Chinese name, which she doesn't share very often.
8.which is more important- personality or looks?: Personality
9.first boyfriend/girlfriend: Thats highly debatable, and would open up a can of worms if I wrote it here. I'm not that stupid.
*Creative Q's*
1.If you had the choice to spin around the sun, or walk on the moon, which would you choose and why?: I can't choose. The sun is constant conflict, and would make me feel alive. The moon is silent, and melancholy, it would be beautiful.
2.What color do you think best describes you and why?: Green: Just really damn goofy, when I'm being light, and somewhat serious and bland when I'm dark.
3.If you could be doing anything right now, what would you be doing: In the embrace of a certain someone. I crave hugs.
4.Would you ever share you heart completely with someone else? Sharing completely is not sharing at all. It's giving. In which case... no. I need some of me to myself, and I need some of her to herself. Otherwise we use the parts we gave each other to reflect on our own beings.
5.Which sense could you not live without, and why?: Hearing. Communication is too important to me, and speech is the highest form of communication in my... err ears. I also would not be able to listen to music.
6.Have you ever written on a mirror? I may have. I used to draw things too...
7.If you could change one thing you did in the last 24 hours, what would it be and why?: I would've gone straight to sleep when I got home and not done this survey -_-
8.Do you prefer sleeping outside beneath the night sky, or your cozy bed indoors?: Sleeping in the night sky I would enjoy with somebody else perhaps. Otherwise I like indoors. Sleeping to the noise of rain is carries traits of the former, which I find really beautiful.
9.What is the most beautiful thing in the world?: hypocracy
10.Name one person whose changed your life for the better: Jess, of course. Many ways in the positive, and nearly no negatives.
11.What can someone do to you that would turn you on fully- physically or mentally- or both?: Appeal to my ego I guess. Anybody is more likely to be turned on if they can make you feel good about yourself.
12.If you knew you were going to pass away within the next few days, what would be the last thing you say, and who would you say that to?: I can't answer this...
13.What is one thing that can make you smile no matter what mood your in?: Something nostalgic. A song perhaps.
14.If you could meet anyone, past or present, dead or alive, who would you meet and why?: I have no idea. I don't admire many people alive or dead.
15.And finally, what makes you you?: My perception of self. Some of which is reflected back to me from people I interact with, some is my own construction.